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44% of men and 36% of women have had anal sex at some point.

And a large proportion find it an exciting addition to their sex life. (source).

Yet many people are still a little apprehensive about experimenting with this and giving it a try. And that is a shame, because anal sex can be incredibly pleasurable, exciting and thrilling. It can provide wonderful sensations and orgasms, for both men and women. Especially when you prepare yourself well. The following tips can help you make it a positive and exciting experience for both partners.

And remember: nothing is obligatory, everything is allowed. Anal sex is a broad concept. It ranges from stroking the anus to penile penetration and everything in between. Start slow without a fixed goal. Enjoying it together is the goal. And know this: opening yourself up to new experiences can truly give your sex life a boost.

Preparation

Cleaning

It is always wise to prepare a little for anal sex. For instance, it is nice to take an "anal shower" before anal sex. This ensures you can relax and enjoy without worrying about any "mess". It also ensures hygiene and safety.

This is very easy with specially designed anal showers.
You can read here how an anal shower is used, with step-by-step instructions using illustrations. Also visit the toilet beforehand.

Lubricant

When a woman becomes aroused, the vagina becomes moist, allowing the
penis (or a toy) to slide in easily and smoothly. The anus does not have this property - the anus does not produce moisture. So it is much more difficult to insert anything. If you want to experiment with anal play, a lubricant is essential, and do not be sparing with it.

There are special lubricants for anal play. These usually have a slightly thicker consistency and provide ultra-long-lasting glide. Want to use a toy? Then use a water-based lubricant.

Good lubricants for anal play

Solo first

Before trying anal sex with your partner, you can experiment with it on your own first. This way you can experience what feels good and what does not. And this experience also helps reduce tension during sex with your partner. You can enjoy more relaxed if you have some idea of what to expect and have already had a pleasant anal experience.

For practising solo anal play, buy a nice beginner's butt plug and a good lubricant. You can read here what a first butt plug should meet to enjoy safely and carefree.

You can also use a condom that you put over the toy. You can
throw the condom away after use, which makes cleaning easier.

Good butt plugs for beginners

Starting gently and building up in a relaxed way

If you are having anal sex for the first time, or for the first time in a long while, it might be quite exciting. That excitement can mean that initially penetration (with a finger, toys or penis) may not work right away. Be kind, caring and patient with each other. Do not see penetration as the ultimate goal, but enjoy every form of anal play. And also know that the anal sex you see in pornography is not realistic. Deep, fast or forceful thrusting only causes pain. Relaxed and easy enjoyment is the way to go.

Stroking and massaging

Start by stroking the anus (for example with a feather), gently massage the area around the anus. Fingers or a tongue can be used for this. Use plenty of lubricant when stroking and massaging. If you are the one being massaged, experience what feels good and what does not, shift your body a little from time to time and tell your partner what it does for you. It may well be that you want to leave it at this the first time.

Finger

Does it feel good and do you want to experiment more? Then you can slowly slide part of a finger a little way into the anus. Leave the finger there and experience what it does for you. It goes without saying that nails should be trimmed short and have no sharp edges. The anus is a sensitive area where sharp edges and points can feel unpleasant. You can also use latex gloves.

Relax and enjoy the sensation this brings. You can now also complement this anal play by stimulating other erogenous zones. For women, this can be the clitoris and/or the G-spot. For men, this can be the penis or the perineum. You can do this yourself, or your partner can. You can use hands and fingers for this, but also a vibrator.

Toy

A next step can be a small anal toy. Choose a good and safe anal toy for beginners, apply plenty of lubricant to it, and carefully insert it a little. If it feels good, the toy can be inserted a bit further.
This can give a wonderful "full" sensation. You can also complement this with stimulation of other erogenous zones.

A size up

Do you feel you want to go a step further? Then you can choose a larger toy. A beginner's toy has a diameter of approximately 2.5-3 cm, a medium-sized toy approximately 3 - 3.5 cm.

It is also good to realise that an erect penis has a diameter of 4.1 cm. You can also choose a set of anal toys in different sizes. This way you can experiment and enjoy together, each at your own pace.

Penis

From this careful build-up, if you find it pleasurable and exciting of course, you can let a penis slide in. But that certainly does not have to be the goal. Anal sex does not automatically mean penetration with the penis. Anal sex can also be massaging or stroking the area around the anus.

Communication

From the previous tip you may have already gathered: communication is, as always, very important now too. For the receiver of anal sex, penetration without good communication can hurt. So it is very important to listen well to each other and find a pace and approach that is pleasurable and exciting for both of you. One time may be different from another. Perhaps your partner feels like anal sex with an anal toy one time, while the next time they only want to be stroked there. Or your partner does want anal penetration, but much slower than last time.

It is important to keep communicating, not only the first time you have anal sex, but also the times after. There is always something to learn from each other.

Butt plug and other toys

A small butt plug can, as mentioned earlier, be very exciting. And it can also help make anal penetration (if desired) easier. With butt plugs of different sizes, the sphincter can be "trained" for penile penetration. This does not happen in one session - it can take quite a few sessions.
But if you both find it exciting, practising and training with anal toys that increase in size can be a safe and relaxed way to achieve this.

Prostate massagers can also be used during anal sex. They are available in various shapes and sizes. Here you can read how to use a prostate massager and what a good prostate massager for beginners is.

Good prostate massagers for beginners

Relaxing the sphincter

It is important to relax the sphincter during anal sex. This can sometimes be quite difficult, especially if it is one of the first times you are trying it. The muscles around the anus ensure that stool does not simply come out. It is called the sphincter for a reason. The muscle's purpose is to keep things in, and this muscle is not used to something being inserted.

The anus will therefore tend to tighten initially. And with tensed muscles, penetration into the anus is unpleasant and even painful.

Tips for relaxing the anal sphincter

  • By building up the steps gradually, you can relax between each step
    and adjust your breathing. Experience what it does for you,
    relax, and only continue when you feel relaxed and look forward
    to a new step. Start with stroking and massaging.

  • To relax the sphincter, you can also pleasure yourself.
    This naturally helps you become more relaxed. Often just before
    or after climaxing is the moment when the anal muscles are relaxed
    enough to insert something more easily.

  • Holding a vibrating toy against the anus can also help relax it.

Combine for ultimate sensations

Most women cannot reach orgasm from anal play alone -
men can. But anal play can enhance and intensify a woman's orgasm.

For this, the clitoris must be stimulated during anal sex. Of course, you can also first combine anal play with stimulation of the G-spot or another erogenous zone for wonderful sensations.

Men can certainly achieve orgasm through prostate stimulation, although this is not the case for all men. For men, anal stimulation can also be combined for intense experiences, for example with stimulation of the perineum and/or the penis.

Great toys for him and her
Illustratie bij artikel over anale seks tips 2 bij De Paarse Keizerin met tips en inspiratie voor intimiteit

The best positions for anal sex

In principle, virtually all vaginal positions can also be applied to anal sex.

The missionary position

is a classic that also lends itself perfectly to anal sex. It allows the "receiver" to comfortably lean back and relax. It is intimate, easy and perfect for a first time because you can see each other well in this position and pick up on non-verbal cues. This position makes anal sex feel less like "porn" and more like an act of love and trust for some. Another advantage of this position is that the person being penetrated can pull up their knees slightly, which means the anus is less clenched.

Tip: place some pillows under the hips and legs if you need a better angle.

Illustratie bij artikel over anale seks tips 2 bij De Paarse Keizerin met tips en inspiratie voor intimiteit

Doggy style

is the obvious choice - it is the classic position for anal sex. The anus is in a good straight position, allowing the penis to slide in relatively easily. So it is not without reason that we often automatically think of doggy style when it comes to anal sex. But be careful - it is easy to go too hard or too fast in this position. Control is entirely in the hands of the giver, so communication is extra important in this position.

Illustratie bij artikel over anale seks tips 2 bij De Paarse Keizerin met tips en inspiratie voor intimiteit

Spooning

Is the easiest position for anal sex, making it perfect for beginners. Both partners lie on their side, with the giver behind the receiver. It is very intimate and control over penetration is fairly equally divided.

Another position suitable for beginners is the receiver on top, also known as "cowboy/girl". This gives the person being penetrated good control over the tempo and depth of penetration.

Important things to keep in mind

You may want to switch between different anal positions, but you need to be careful when combining anal sex with other sexual activities.

The penis (as well as toys and fingers) can easily transfer bacteria, so do not switch between anal and vaginal without care. If you want to go from an anal position to vaginal penetration, first thoroughly clean the penis.

The same applies to fingers and toys: anything that has been used anally must be thoroughly cleaned before it can be used for anything else.

Another tip for anal penetration

Ohnut rings can be very helpful in controlling the depth of (anal) penetration.
Great when the penis is a bit larger. By using these rings, the giving partner does not have to worry about thrusting too deep, also when using a strap-on for example.

These Ohnut rings also work well when the giving partner uses these rings during anal penetration of a man, as the prostate can be better stimulated. By adjusting the depth of penetration, it is likely possible to hit exactly the prostate during gentle thrusting.

You can also use a condom that you put over the toy. You can throw the condom away after use, which makes cleaning easier.

Why anal sex is worth trying
for everyone

As you can see, anal sex requires a bit more preparation and you need time for a relaxed build-up. Is it worth the effort? That is different for everyone, but why not just try it? Excitement and passion begin where the comfort zone ends. And if you have tried it but it does not suit your sex life, then you are one shared sexual experience richer together.

Why especially worthwhile for men?
Good for pleasure and health

For men, anal penetration can provide pleasant additional stimulation of the glans. Men whose prostate is stimulated can achieve a firmer erection and the orgasm can be much more intense. It is even possible to induce an orgasm through prostate massage alone, with all the feelings and pleasure that normally come with it. The sensation that builds during a prostate massage can even be stronger than during a "normal" orgasm.

Besides pleasure, regular prostate massages have benefits for health and erection. Regular prostate massage prevents prostatitis (inflammation), prostate cancer, genital pain and pain during urination. It improves blood circulation, enhances erectile function and increases sperm volume.

In some cases, prostate massage can help in the treatment of ejaculation problems and erectile dysfunction (ED). The ideal frequency for health purposes? Once a month for men with a healthy prostate. Men with prostate problems may consider a weekly massage (but discuss this with a doctor or specialist first). The advantage of prostate massages is that they naturally improve blood circulation and prostate function, unlike antibiotics. Let us be clear - we are not suggesting replacing antibiotics with prostate massages. But it certainly cannot hurt to explore and experience what prostate massages can mean for you.

For men, there are therefore numerous advantages that make anal sex essentially a must to try at least once. If not for a wonderful sexual experience, then at least for prostate health, which becomes increasingly important especially with age.

You can read how to give a good prostate massage here.

Why worthwhile for women?

And what about women? It is often said that women only engage in anal sex to please their partner. But is this really true? We understand of course that anal sex is not a pleasant experience if it is not done gently, in a relaxed manner and with love. This requires patience and dedication from the partner. But when this happens, anal play can also be an exciting sexual experience for women. For women, it is also true that they can intensify an orgasm, and some women experience this as more intimate and intense compared to a purely vaginal orgasm. The anus has many sensitive nerve endings that can also provide exciting sensations. How do nerve endings play a role in sexual pleasure? Compare a kiss on the lips (relatively many nerve endings) with a kiss on the elbow (fewer nerve endings).

And, although the clitoris is located elsewhere, the clitoris and vaginal wall are indirectly stimulated by the contracting movements of the pelvic floor muscles during anal penetration.

Finally, the rectum is essentially located directly next to the vagina. There is a thin wall between the rectum and the vagina. For many women, it is precisely this posterior wall (rectovaginal septum) that is most sensitive to stimulation.

Simply exciting too

Besides the physiological aspect, there is the exciting feeling you get from trying new forms of sexuality - things that are still somewhat taboo. The things that are a bit naughty, cheeky, kinky and outside your comfort zone. This also applies to anal sex. Experimenting together is the key to a lifetime of loving.

Most frequently asked questions

Is there a risk I might poop?

No, but you may feel like you need to go, even though you do not. However, losing a small amount of stool can occur. It does help to go to the toilet beforehand. Not eating before anal sex serves no purpose, as it takes 24 to 48 hours after eating for food to be digested and for you to need the toilet.

What does help is avoiding spicy food. And drink plenty of water. After anal sex, you may pass some extra wind or feel the urge to go to the toilet. If the idea of mess concerns you, you can of course take a shower together and enjoy anal sex there.

Does anal sex hurt?

No, but painless anal sex does require preparation and patience, and a lubricant is essential. If it does hurt, this usually means your preparation was not adequate, you are too tense, the pace was too fast, or you did not use enough lubricant.

After anal sex, your anus may feel somewhat "open" and moist, and you may have a slight burning sensation. That burning feeling should subside within a day; otherwise, it may indicate an infection.

Is anal sex harmful?

No, with good preparation, patience and a relaxed pace, it is not harmful to the anus and the sphincter. The sphincter returns to normal after anal sex. The sphincter cannot be permanently stretched.

Still hesitating?

Still hesitating about trying anal sex? Talk about it with your partner. If you both feel comfortable, prepare well and know that anal sex requires calm and patience, then anal sex can be an exciting addition to your sex life.
And if it is not for you? Then you are one experience richer together and leave it at that. Fortunately, there is still plenty to discover when it comes to sex.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Does anal sex hurt?

No, provided you build up slowly, use sufficient lubricant and the sphincter is relaxed. Pain is a signal to stop and take a step back. Start with stroking and massaging, and build up gradually. With patience and communication, anal sex should not be painful.

Which lubricant is best for anal sex?

Use a special anal lubricant with a thicker consistency for long-lasting comfort. Choose water-based lubricant if you are using silicone toys. Do not be sparing: the anus does not produce its own moisture, so regular reapplication is essential for a pleasant experience.

Is anal sex harmful to the sphincter?

No, with proper preparation and a gentle pace, anal sex is not harmful. The sphincter returns to its normal state after anal sex and cannot be permanently stretched. Forcing or going too fast can cause small tears, so always build up gradually.

Should I worry about hygiene with anal sex?

With proper preparation, you do not need to worry. Take an anal douche beforehand and use the toilet. Avoid spicy food and drink plenty of water. After anal sex, you may experience extra gas or urgency - this is normal and temporary.

Can a woman orgasm from anal sex?

Most women do not orgasm from anal stimulation alone, but it can make an orgasm more intense. The anus has many sensitive nerve endings and the thin wall between the rectum and vagina provides indirect stimulation. Combine anal play with clitoral stimulation for the best results.

What is a good butt plug for beginners?

Choose a butt plug made of body-safe silicone with a diameter of no more than 2.5 to 3 cm. Important: the toy must always have a wide base or retrieval cord so it cannot slip inside. Start small and work up to larger sizes as you feel comfortable.

What are the health benefits of prostate massage?

Regular prostate massage can help prevent prostatitis, improve blood circulation, support erectile function and increase sperm volume. For men with a healthy prostate, once a month is ideal. For prostate issues, a weekly massage can be considered in consultation with a doctor.

Can you switch between anal and vaginal sex?

Not without thoroughly cleaning in between. Bacteria from the anus can cause vaginal infections. Always thoroughly clean the penis, fingers or toys before switching from anal to vaginal stimulation. Using condoms that you change in between is a practical solution.

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