Menopause is a period of change, including when it comes to sex. Hormonal fluctuations can affect sexual desire, the body, and intimacy. They can lead to reduced interest in sex, vaginal dryness, and sometimes decreased sensitivity. However, this does not mean you cannot enjoy a satisfying and exciting sex life!

In this article, you will learn how to stay empowered, with practical tips and helpful products to keep your sex life pleasurable, exciting, and fulfilling.

Table of contents

Menopause in brief

Menopause (or climacterium) begins for most women between the ages of 45 and 50. It is the period in which menstruation becomes irregular, eventually stops, and the body gradually ceases egg production.

The menopausal process lasts an average of 5 to 10 years and is accompanied by hormonal changes that can cause both physical and emotional symptoms.

Physical symptoms during menopause

During menopause, the body adjusts to a new hormonal balance. The ovaries produce less oestrogen and progesterone (female sex hormones), causing hormone levels to change.

This is an intensive physical process that requires a lot of energy and can cause various physical symptoms such as:

  • Hot flushes: sudden waves of heat that may be accompanied by a red face and a feverish feeling. Hot flushes are most common in the first year after menopause.
  • Night sweats: caused by hot flushes. In severe cases, these can lead to sleep problems, fatigue, and/or irritability.
  • Headaches
  • Muscle pain
  • Pelvic floor prolapse
  • Tender breasts
  • Listlessness

Emotional symptoms during menopause

In addition to physical changes and discomfort, menopause also has an emotional side. The most commonly reported emotional symptoms are:

  • Fatigue
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Negative self-image
  • Unfortunately, women with a history of depression have an increased risk of depressive symptoms during menopause.

Changes to the vulva and vagina during and after menopause

Lower oestrogen levels affect the vulva and vagina, and consequently the experience of sex. The most important changes are:

  • Less flexible and less elastic vaginal wall and uterus.
  • Less moist and less supple mucous membrane of the vagina, vulva, and urethra. This can cause pain during sex and increase the risk of urinary tract infections.
  • The vagina may become shorter and narrower.
  • Thinner and more vulnerable skin of the vulva and vagina.
  • Less fatty tissue and collagen in the vulva, which means the labia may become thinner and less full.
  • Reduced blood flow to the genitals, which can lead to less sensitivity and slower arousal.
  • Change in vaginal pH, which can make the vagina more susceptible to infections.

These changes can lead to vaginal dryness, irritation, and discomfort during sex. The good news is that there are many effective solutions to manage these symptoms.

Possible sexual symptoms during menopause

These physical and emotional changes and discomforts often lead to sexual symptoms. The most common are:

  • Less intense orgasm
    When the pelvic floor muscles (which are responsible for good moisture production, orgasms, and sensation during penetration) weaken, an orgasm may feel less intense and explosive. This is because the muscle contractions during orgasm become weaker.
  • Reduced desire for sex
    Lower hormone levels can lead to decreased sexual desire. Fatigue, mood swings, and physical discomfort can also contribute to less interest in sex.
  • Vaginal dryness
    Due to lower oestrogen levels, the vagina produces less natural lubrication. This can make sex uncomfortable or even painful.
  • Pain during intercourse
    Vaginal dryness combined with thinner, less elastic vaginal walls can cause pain during penetration.
  • Decreased sensitivity
    Reduced blood flow to the genitals can lead to less sensitivity in the clitoris and vagina, making it harder to become aroused.

Important: Not all women experience these symptoms. Many women find that their sex life actually improves after menopause - no more worries about periods or contraception, and often more time and peace to enjoy intimacy.

15 Tips for maintaining pleasure in sex

  1. Stay sexually active: "Use it or Lose it"
    Regular sex slows the ageing process of the vulva and vagina. The increased blood circulation keeps the vaginal muscles supple. Additionally, regular sex supports stable hormone production, such as testosterone, which contributes to sexual desire and arousal.
  2. Always use a good lubricant
    A lubricant makes sex more comfortable and pleasant, especially with vaginal dryness. Choose a water-based lubricant that is pH-balanced and free from irritating ingredients. Apply generously and reapply as needed.
  3. Focus on foreplay
    Take extra time for foreplay. Arousal may take longer during menopause, and that is completely normal. Enjoy the build-up: kissing, caressing, massage, and exploring each other's body.
  4. Use a vibrator
    A vibrator can be an excellent aid if you experience less sensitivity. The vibrations stimulate blood flow and can increase arousal. Try different types to discover what works best for you.
  5. Train your pelvic floor muscles
    Strong pelvic floor muscles contribute to better orgasms, more sensation during sex, and better moisture production. Train them with Kegel balls or Kegel exercises.
  6. Consider a vaginal moisturiser
    Unlike a lubricant (which you use during sex), a vaginal moisturiser is used regularly to keep the vaginal skin supple and moist. This can reduce discomfort during daily activities and during sex.
  7. Talk to your partner
    Open communication about what you need and what feels good is essential. Your body is changing, and your partner may not know what you need differently now. Talk about it openly and honestly.
  8. Explore new forms of intimacy
    Sex does not have to be limited to penetration. Discover together what else you find exciting: massage, oral sex, mutual masturbation, or using toys together.
  9. Take care of your mental well-being
    Stress, fatigue, and emotional ups and downs can negatively affect your sex life. Take good care of yourself: get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and take time for relaxation.
  10. Consider hormone therapy
    For some women, local oestrogen therapy (such as vaginal cream or a pessary) can help with vaginal dryness and discomfort. Discuss the options with your GP or gynaecologist.
  11. Use a stimulating gel or serum
    A stimulating gel can increase blood flow and sensitivity to the clitoris and vulva. This can help with arousal and make orgasms more intense.
  12. Try different positions
    Some positions may feel more comfortable than others. Experiment with positions that give you more control and put less pressure on sensitive areas.
  13. Stay curious and playful
    Approach sex with curiosity rather than expectations. Try something new: a new toy, a different setting, or an erotic story. Variety keeps things exciting.
  14. Accept and embrace changes
    Your body is changing, and that is natural. Instead of fighting these changes, try to embrace them. Many women discover new forms of pleasure and intimacy during this phase of life.
  15. Do not compare yourself to your younger self
    Sex at 50+ is different from sex at 30, and that is perfectly fine. Focus on what feels good now, not on what it used to be like.

Helpful products during menopause

View all

Fun Help for an Open Conversation

Conversation starter for partners

Click the button for a fun conversation question!

Each question is designed to open up a warm and honest conversation.

Other tips

  1. Talking with fellow women or friends often provides recognition, helping you better understand or accept your symptoms.
  2. Do not take on too much. Take the time and rest to adjust to all the changes.
  3. Try to go with the flow of menopause. Talk about it and adapt your life accordingly. That way you will experience the least discomfort from menopausal symptoms.
  4. Try to get enough sleep, eat healthily, and exercise regularly. This supports your overall well-being and can reduce symptoms.
  5. Consider yoga or mindfulness. These practices can help with stress, sleep problems, and emotional balance.

Further reading

• Information about menopause from the Bekkenbodem4All Foundation

• Menopause: Everything Your Doctor Doesn't Tell You
A very comprehensive book explaining hormones and menopause. Dr. John R. Lee writes about bio-identical hormone replacement therapy, among other topics.

• ismenopauze.nl - Dutch information platform about menopause.

Related articles

Sources

Veelgestelde Vragen

Wat kan ik doen tegen vaginale droogheid tijdens de overgang?

Gebruik een goed glijmiddel (bijvoorbeeld op siliconenbasis bij irritatie) en neem extra tijd voor voorspel. Bij ernstige klachten kan een oestrogeencrème via de huisarts helpen.

Is het normaal dat ik minder zin in seks heb na mijn menopauze?

Ja, dat is heel normaal. Hormonale schommelingen, veranderingen in zelfbeeld en lichamelijke ongemakken kunnen de zin verminderen. Soms herstelt dit na verloop van tijd of met de juiste ondersteuning.

Hoe maak ik seks minder pijnlijk tijdens de overgang?

Neem de tijd voor opwinding, gebruik glijmiddel, vermijd snelle penetratie en train de bekkenbodemspieren. Raadpleeg een arts bij aanhoudende pijn.

Kunnen hormonen mijn seksleven verbeteren?

Hormoonsuppletie (bijv. oestrogeen) kan overgangsklachten zoals droogheid en opvliegers verminderen. Bespreek dit met uw huisarts om samen te kijken of dit voor u geschikt is.

Hoe kan ik met mijn partner praten over veranderingen in mijn seksualiteit?

Wees open over wat u voelt en nodig hebt. Kies een rustig moment buiten de slaapkamer. Eventueel kan een vragenspel of een seksuoloog helpen het gesprek makkelijker te maken.

Welke voorzorgsmaatregelen zijn belangrijk tijdens de overgang?

Zorg voor voldoende slaap, een gezonde levensstijl, regelmatige bekkenbodemtraining en vermijd stress. Ook regelmatige controles bij de huisarts zijn aan te raden voor hormoonbalans.

Hoe lang duren overgangsklachten gemiddeld?

Het overgangsproces duurt gemiddeld 5 tot 10 jaar. De overgang is officieel voorbij als u een jaar lang geen menstruatie meer hebt gehad. Klachten kunnen wel eerder verminderen.

Welke seksspeeltjes kunnen helpen tijdens de overgang?

Een goed glijmiddel is essentieel. Vibrators kunnen helpen bij verminderde gevoeligheid, bekkenbodemtrainers bij training van de spieren, en zachte speeltjes zoals streel veren bij voorspel en massage.

Leave a comment

Note: Comments must be approved before they are published.