Table of contents

Introduction

Do you find it difficult to reach orgasm? Or would you like to make your orgasms more intense and easier to achieve? You are not alone. As many as 2 million Dutch women say that reaching orgasm is challenging. And that is a real shame.

The good news? Orgasms are not mysterious coincidences or magical wonders. They can be learned, refined, and strengthened. With the right stimulation, some self-discovery (through our advice and tips), and perhaps a wonderful toy, you can better understand your body and desires.

And believe us: the more often you climax, the easier and more intense it becomes. Ready to explore? Read on.

What is essential for an orgasm?

The right stimulation

For most women, an orgasm is achieved through stimulation of the clitoris when the body is sufficiently aroused. In general, the clitoris needs to be stimulated continuously for a period of time to reach orgasm.

Deep thrusting provides little stimulation

It is still commonly believed that women can reach orgasm through penetration alone. This is a misconception. Most of the vagina (the deepest part) has very few nerve endings. Deep thrusting therefore provides little stimulation.

Very few women reach orgasm from penetration alone. However, orgasm can be further stimulated by combining vaginal stimulation (penetration with a penis or stimulation with fingers or a vibrator) with clitoral stimulation. This dual stimulation significantly increases the chance of orgasm.

Illustratie bij artikel over moeilijk klaark vrouw bij De Paarse Keizerin met tips en inspiratie

The clitoris is larger than often thought

The clitoris is crucial for most women when it comes to arousal and orgasm. This organ has an enormous number of nerve endings and is extremely sensitive to touch.

On the outside, the clitoris looks like a small button, but in reality it is a much larger organ that extends further into the body, with two branches of approximately 5 cm.

The visible part is merely "the tip of the iceberg"

What most people do not know is that there is also a sensitive spot inside the vagina that can cause an orgasm when stimulated: the G-spot. This is located approximately 3-5 cm inside the vagina and is actually the back of the clitoris. This spongy, sensitive area can provide intense pleasure.

Illustratie bij artikel over moeilijk klaark vrouw bij De Paarse Keizerin met tips en inspiratie

The visible part is merely the tip of the iceberg

In the image you can clearly see how the clitoris branches out within the body. The part you can see and feel on the outside is only a small portion of the entire organ. The two "legs" of the clitoris extend along the vaginal opening.

This explains why some women also experience pleasure from vaginal stimulation: the inside of the vagina lies close to the internal parts of the clitoris. The G-spot, at approximately 3-5 cm inside, is actually the back of this sensitive organ.

The role of vibrators and stimulating serums

For most women, continuous clitoral stimulation is needed to reach orgasm. But the right type of stimulation differs from woman to woman.

What works for one woman may not feel pleasant at all for another. Some enjoy gentle caressing of the clitoris, while others need more pressure, force, or vibrations. That is why experimentation is the key to success.

Discovering orgasm techniques with a vibrator

  • Try different types of stimulation: Experiment with various vibration patterns and intensities to discover what works best for you.
  • Combine manual stimulation with a vibrator: This way you can determine exactly which spot and intensity is most effective.
  • Use a lubricant or stimulating serum: This makes stimulation more pleasant and intense.

Helpful tools

If reaching orgasm does not come naturally, there are tools that can significantly facilitate stimulation.

  • Vibrators provide constant and even stimulation of the clitoris, which is essential for most women to reach orgasm.
  • Air pressure vibrators offer a unique sensation with gentle pulsations that stimulate the clitoris without direct contact.
  • Stimulating gels and serums increase the sensitivity of the clitoris or G-spot, making arousal faster and more intense.

By using these (enjoyable) tools, you can find and improve the right stimulation, making orgasm easier and more intense.

Air pressure vibrators

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Sexual response cycle

Stimulating the clitoris in the right way is essential for reaching orgasm. But touching the clitoris when it is not yet in an aroused state does not feel pleasant. It can even be painful.

Masters and Johnson divided the orgasm process into different phases years ago, and Kaplan later added another part. This classification is still used in sexological practice to explain in a simple way how sex works. If you have difficulty reaching orgasm, it can help to understand in which phase things go wrong.

Illustratie bij artikel over moeilijk klaark vrouw bij De Paarse Keizerin met tips en inspiratie

The phases leading to orgasm

The image shows the different phases of the sexual response cycle. From desire and mood, through arousal and stimulation, to orgasm and the relaxation afterwards. Each phase builds upon the previous one and requires the right attention and time.

Understanding in which phase it becomes difficult for you can help you work specifically towards a better orgasm.

How does an orgasm happen? Explained in phases

Phase 1: Desire for intimacy

Everything starts with desire. It never arises spontaneously - there is always a trigger needed to spark that desire. You can consciously seek out that trigger. Reading an erotic story, allowing an exciting fantasy, or being open to your partner's approach can be enough to get desire going.

Factors such as stress, fatigue, pain, anxiety, or hormonal changes can block the onset of desire. It may be important to explore what is holding you back.

Phase 2: Getting in the right mood

The next phase is "seduction" - getting yourself and/or your partner in the right mood. With lovely music, a relaxing bath, perfume, flowers, eye contact, sweet words, and so on.

Phase 3: Arousal

In the next stage, all erotic stimuli from our senses are picked up. Images, sounds, scent, an exciting book, a massage, a partner's caress, and erotic fantasy can all trigger sexual arousal. Sexual feelings are stimulated and, as it were, awakened. Through sexual play and erotic fantasies, arousal is further fuelled. The arousal in the body increases, the nipples harden, the clitoris swells, the vagina becomes wetter, and the heart begins to beat faster. This is the moment when stimulation starts to feel pleasant and exciting.

How can you help your body in this phase?

  • Use stimulating gels or tingling serums to increase sensitivity.
  • Experiment with sensual touches and discover what you find pleasant.
  • Take your time: the longer this phase lasts, the more intense the orgasm can become.

Phase 4: Time for the right stimulation

This is the moment just before orgasm. The vagina becomes even wetter, the heart rate increases, the outer labia may enlarge, and the inner labia turn dark red. The muscles in the pelvic area tense up, and the feeling of arousal reaches a peak. Now the right stimulation is important. And for most women this means: continuous, uninterrupted stimulation of the clitoris. Interruptions can cause the built-up tension to decrease again.

Phase 5: Letting go

When the clitoris is stimulated in the right way and you let go and surrender, the release of sexual energy and tension follows: the orgasm! This is often accompanied by rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles and a warm, relaxed feeling that can spread throughout the entire body.

Would you like to make your orgasms more intense?

  • Train your pelvic floor muscles for more strength and control.
  • Use a powerful vibrator or an air pressure vibrator for deeper stimulation.
  • Combine penetration with clitoral stimulation for more intensity.

Phase 6: Relaxation and recovery

After orgasm, the body slowly returns to rest. The muscles relax, breathing slows, and the feeling of satisfaction increases. This is an important moment to enjoy the sensations and perhaps reflect on what felt good.

The phases are different for everyone

These phases do not unfold the same way or at the same pace for everyone. Where one woman needs 40 minutes to become aroused, it may take less time for another. It can also vary from one occasion to the next.

It does not happen automatically: you need to take an active role

The different phases do not happen by themselves. They only occur when you actively do (together or alone during masturbation) the things that are needed. You may need to engage your imagination, get yourself in the right mood, apply the right stimulation, and dare to let go.

Why is it difficult to reach orgasm?

Before we give you the best tips and advice for achieving a fantastic orgasm, it is helpful to first explore why it may not be working. Orgasms are not just a physical response, but also an interplay of mental, emotional, and hormonal factors. It can help to look at the different phases of arousal and discover in which phase it becomes more difficult for you.

Below you will find a list of common causes that can make it harder to reach orgasm. Do you recognise yourself in one or more of these points? This insight can help you find the right approach.

  • No sexual fantasy or difficulty with arousal
  • Negative thoughts about sex, shame, or inhibitions
  • Influence of illness or certain medication (such as antidepressants)
  • Stress and tension, preventing you from relaxing
  • Low self-esteem or feeling unattractive
  • Insufficient foreplay or lack of arousing stimulation
  • Not finding your partner attractive or feeling emotional distance
  • Fear of losing control or difficulty surrendering
  • Fear of pain, STIs, or unwanted consequences of sex
  • Difficulty focusing and being easily distracted during sex
  • Not knowing well how your body works or what you enjoy

The best tips and techniques for an orgasm

A good and intense orgasm starts with self-discovery. Learning to climax is a process, and masturbation is an important first step.

Do you feel guilty about it? Let that go! These kinds of negative thoughts can inhibit your arousal and make it harder to surrender to pleasure. Masturbation is a natural, healthy activity that helps you get to know your body better, keep your sexual organs in good condition, and strengthen your orgasms.

1. Feel relaxed and get yourself in the right mood

It may sound obvious, but if you feel tense, stressed, or tired, reaching orgasm will simply not happen. No matter how hard you try. It is therefore important to first relax mentally and physically, to get "out of your head".

Take a warm shower and put on lovely music. Warmth helps your body relax and stimulates blood flow to erogenous zones. Create a stimulating environment - think of candles, soft lighting, pleasant scents, or satin sheets. Gently set aside negative thoughts. Focus on what feels good, not on what should happen. Make sure you have at least half an hour of uninterrupted time to enjoy.

2. Feel attractive and desirable

Your mental attitude towards your body plays a major role in sexual arousal. When you feel beautiful and desired, it becomes much easier to surrender to pleasure. Do not be too critical of yourself. Be kind and gentle with your body. Care for and respect it. Use a lovely body lotion, wear beautiful lingerie.

3. Surrender to sexual fantasies and thoughts

A large part of an orgasm begins in the mind. Fantasies help you get into the right erotic mood. Without imagination and arousal in your head, the body will respond less well to stimulation.

Everyone has sexy fantasies sometimes, but sometimes you need to make a little extra effort to get your imagination going.

Tips for getting in the mood:

  • Read one of the erotic stories on our website
  • Read an exciting book.
  • Watch an erotic film. You can find female-friendly ethical adult films here
  • Embrace your fantasies. Everything is allowed in your thoughts, nothing is required, and nothing is strange. Give yourself the freedom to explore.

4. Caress your body

Begin with soft, sensual touches across your entire body. Building arousal does not always start with the genitals - it often begins with exploring the whole body.

Start with your legs, feet, arms, hands, neck, and face. Feel how your skin responds to caresses. Gradually extend the touches to the breasts, abdomen, and inner thighs. Let the tension build without going directly to the clitoris.

5. Find the best way to stimulate your clitoris

The clitoris is the key to orgasm for most women. But how you stimulate it differs from person to person.

  • Do you prefer circular movements or steady pressure?
  • Does direct touch feel pleasant, or do you prefer a layer of fabric in between?
  • Do you enjoy light caresses, or do you need firmer pressure?
  • Does a rhythmic movement or varying speed work best?

6. Use a vibrator for targeted stimulation

A vibrator provides constant, even vibrations that many women find difficult to achieve manually. If you have difficulty reaching orgasm, a vibrator can be a wonderful aid.

  • Clitoral vibrators are specifically designed to stimulate the clitoris with precision.
  • Air pressure vibrators use gentle suction and pulsations for a unique sensation.
  • Combination vibrators (rabbit vibrators) provide both clitoral and vaginal stimulation simultaneously.

Not sure which vibrator suits you best? Take our vibrator quiz for personalised advice.

More tips and techniques for reaching orgasm

7. Try different caresses, positions, and spots

With and without a vibrator. The better you get to know your own body, the easier it will become to reach orgasm.

8. Maintain clitoral stimulation during penetration

Many women find it difficult to climax from penetration alone. This is completely normal. By simultaneously stimulating the clitoris during penetration - with your fingers, your partner's fingers, or a vibrator - you significantly increase the chance of orgasm.

9. Explore your G-spot

The G-spot is a sensitive area on the front wall of the vagina, approximately 3-5 cm inside. It is actually part of the clitoris. Some women experience intense pleasure from G-spot stimulation, while others feel little there. A specially shaped G-spot vibrator can help you explore this area.

10. Train your pelvic floor muscles

Strong pelvic floor muscles can make orgasms more intense. These muscles play an important role during orgasm: the rhythmic contractions you feel are the pelvic floor muscles. By training them (with Kegel exercises or Kegel balls), you can make these contractions stronger and your orgasms more powerful.

11. Use a stimulating serum or orgasm cream

A stimulating gel or orgasm cream increases blood flow and sensitivity of the clitoris. This can be helpful if you find it difficult to become aroused or if you experience less sensitivity. Apply a small amount to the clitoris and wait a moment for the warming or tingling effect.

12. Do not put pressure on yourself

One of the biggest obstacles to orgasm is the pressure to climax. The more you focus on "having to come", the harder it becomes. Try to let go of expectations and focus on what feels good in the moment. An orgasm is a wonderful bonus, but the journey there can be just as enjoyable.

Orgasm Boosters

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Illustratie bij artikel over moeilijk klaark vrouw bij De Paarse Keizerin met tips en inspiratie

Training pelvic floor muscles with Kegel balls

A strong pelvic floor contributes to more intense orgasms and greater sensation during intercourse. Kegel balls are a fun and effective way to train your pelvic floor muscles - simply while cooking or going for a walk.

Read more about Kegel balls and how to use them

The best tips for an orgasm with your partner

If it is not always easy to reach orgasm on your own, it is often even more challenging with a partner. You need to know what you find pleasurable and exciting, and then you also need to communicate that clearly. Next, you need to relax and dare to focus solely on yourself. And often the hardest part: surrendering and daring to let go of control.

Not an easy task, but this too can be learned. And of course, it is wonderful to experience together. Below are our best tips.

Talk about what you enjoy

Communication is perhaps the most important factor for good sex with a partner. Tell each other what you enjoy. Show where you like to be touched and how. If something does not feel right, say so in a kind way. This is not criticism, but guidance towards more pleasure for both of you.

Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex. Tips for this can be found in our article Talking about sex.

Sufficient and enjoyable foreplay

Take enough time for foreplay. Women generally need more time to become aroused than men. Build up the tension together by kissing, caressing, and exploring each other's body. The longer and more intense the foreplay, the greater the chance of orgasm during or after penetration.

Use clitoral stimulation during sex

During penetration, extra stimulation of the clitoris can make all the difference. This can be done with the fingers, a small vibrator, or by choosing a position where the clitoris receives more contact.

Positions that can provide more clitoral stimulation:

  • Woman on top: You can control the rhythm and angle yourself, and directly stimulate your clitoris.
  • Modified missionary: Place a pillow under your hips so the pelvis is slightly tilted, which can provide more clitoral contact.
  • Side by side (spooning): This position allows easy access to the clitoris with the hand or a vibrator.

Use a vibrator together

A vibrator is not only ideal for solo use, but can also be a wonderful addition during sex with your partner. Many couples find that a vibrator enhances lovemaking and creates new sensations.

Involve your partner in choosing a vibrator. Visit our website together and choose a toy that appeals to both of you.

Dare to be selfish

During sex, it is important to dare to focus on your own pleasure. This is not selfish, but necessary. Many women are focused on their partner and lose touch with their own sensations. Practice regularly concentrating on what you feel and what you enjoy.

Dare to let go

Letting go is perhaps the biggest challenge. An orgasm requires a form of surrender - a moment where you are no longer in control. If you find this difficult, it can help to:

  • Close your eyes and focus on the physical sensations
  • Follow your breathing and let it flow naturally
  • Accept that an orgasm may come with sounds, facial expressions, or movements you cannot control
  • Trust your partner and the safety of the situation

Do not focus on the orgasm as the goal

Ironically, the harder you try, the further the orgasm can seem. Let go of the idea that every lovemaking session must end with an orgasm. Focus on enjoying the moment, the intimacy, and the connection. When you remove the pressure, the orgasm often comes more naturally.

Oral sex

For many women, oral sex is one of the most effective ways to reach orgasm. The tongue provides soft, precise stimulation of the clitoris that is difficult to replicate in other ways.

If you would like to know more about this, read our article about oral sex for women.

Good vibrators and serums that can help

Good vibrators for difficulty reaching orgasm

There are various vibrators you can choose if you find it difficult to reach orgasm. If you have never had a vibrator before, the best choice is a good clitoral vibrator.

Have you tried a vibrator before and it did not work well for you? Then we recommend choosing a more powerful vibrator, an air pressure vibrator, or trying a stimulating serum.

Clitoral vibrators

A clitoral vibrator is specifically designed to stimulate the clitoris and usually has a small, focused tip. These vibrators are ideal for women who want to stimulate the clitoris with precision. A good clitoral vibrator is the most effective choice for most women.

Air pressure vibrators

An air pressure vibrator (also known as a suction vibrator) stimulates the clitoris with gentle pulsations and suction, without direct contact. Many women describe this sensation as unique and extremely pleasant. These vibrators can bring some women to orgasm within minutes.

Combination vibrators (rabbit vibrators)

A rabbit vibrator combines clitoral stimulation with vaginal stimulation. This dual stimulation can lead to more intense orgasms. This type is ideal for women who want to explore different forms of stimulation simultaneously.

Not sure which vibrator suits you? Take our quiz for a personalised recommendation.

Take our vibrator quiz and discover within a few questions which vibrator matches your wishes and situation.

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Sources

  1. Masters, W. & Johnson, V. Research on the sexual response cycle and orgasm process.
  2. Laan, E. Presentation "What is sexual pleasure?" and article with interview on the importance of pleasure and orgasm.
  3. Rutgers (Knowledge Centre for Sexuality) - Information on female orgasm and sexuality.
  4. Dr. Rik van Lunsen - Sexuologist, expert on female sexual health.

Veelgestelde Vragen

Wat kan ik doen als ik helemaal geen orgasme kan krijgen, zelfs niet bij masturbatie?

Als u merkt dat u zelfs tijdens zelfbevrediging niet klaarkomt, is het belangrijk om allereerst te onderzoeken of u wel ontspannen genoeg bent en voldoende opgewonden raakt. Probeer een prikkelende omgeving te creëren, zoals zachte verlichting, warme douche en erotisch materiaal. Experimenteer met verschillende soorten aanraking, druk en vibratie. Als dit niet helpt, kan het verstandig zijn om contact op te nemen met een seksuoloog.

Waarom lukt het mij wel om alleen klaar te komen, maar niet met mijn partner?

Dit komt heel vaak voor en heeft meestal te maken met spanning, prestatiedruk of het gevoel dat u zich moet aanpassen aan het tempo van uw partner. Tijdens masturbatie heeft u volledige regie over de snelheid en manier van aanraken. Probeer samen te oefenen in een ontspannen sfeer en leg duidelijk uit wat u prettig vindt.

Helpt een vibrator echt als ik moeilijk klaarkom?

Ja, voor veel vrouwen is een vibrator een enorm verschil. Vibrators bieden constante, ritmische stimulatie van de clitoris, wat met de hand moeilijk vol te houden is. Vooral luchtdruk vibrators en wand massagers kunnen een krachtig hulpmiddel zijn. Begin rustig met een zachte stand en verken wat prettig voelt.

Hoe weet ik of ik een clitoris- of g-spot-orgasme krijg?

Een clitoraal orgasme voelt meestal als een intense, scherpe golf van genot, vaak met een tintelend of kloppend gevoel rondom de clitoris. Een g-spot-orgasme wordt vaak beschreven als een diep, vol en warm gevoel, dat soms gepaard gaat met squirten. Het belangrijkste is dat het voor u prettig voelt.

Ik raak snel afgeleid tijdens seks. Wat kan ik doen om meer in het moment te blijven?

Veel vrouwen ervaren dat gedachten afdwalen naar to-do-lijstjes of zelfkritiek. Probeer uw aandacht bewust naar uw zintuigen te brengen: voel de aanraking op uw huid, luister naar uw ademhaling. Adem rustig en diep, en gebruik eventueel een fantasie of focuswoord om in uw eigen wereld te blijven.

Heeft leeftijd invloed op het kunnen klaarkomen?

Ja, leeftijd kan een rol spelen. Rond en na de overgang nemen vrouwelijke hormonen af, waardoor de doorbloeding en gevoeligheid in de vagina en clitoris kunnen veranderen. Dat betekent niet dat u geen orgasmes meer kunt krijgen, maar het vraagt soms wat meer tijd, opwinding en hulpmiddelen zoals glijmiddel.

Kan ik leren om sneller klaar te komen?

Ja, absoluut! Orgasmes zijn te leren en te verbeteren. Door uw lichaam beter te leren kennen via zelfbevrediging, de juiste technieken te oefenen en eventueel hulpmiddelen zoals vibrators te gebruiken, kunt u uw orgasmevermogen versterken. Hoe vaker u klaarkomt, hoe makkelijker het wordt.

Welke vibrator is het beste voor beginners die moeilijk klaarkomen?

Voor beginners die moeilijk klaarkomen, raden we vooral luchtdruk vibrators aan zoals de Womanizer of Rock Star. Deze geven unieke sensaties zonder direct contact. Wand massagers zoals de Magic Wand zijn ook zeer effectief vanwege hun krachtige, diepe vibraties. Start altijd met de zachtste stand en bouw langzaam op.

12 comments

Ik vraag me af of ik wel orgasme krijg maar dat die niet als een orgasme aanvoelen!
Enig echte orgasme voor mij met totale ontlading is idd vlitirus orgasme!
Ik ken mijn g spot en ik kan zelfs squirten gaat helemaal vanzelf.
Voelt het fijn aan? Ja! Ik voel golfjes, ik voel mijn spieren samenspannen en tintelingen… Maar dit een orgasme noemen? Nope!
Bij clitoris orgasme voel ik een hele diepe kriebel (te vergelijken met een vrije val in een achtbaan) gaat heel mijn lijf schudden en voel ik een roes in mijn hoofd.
Dat is een echt orgasme!

Vraag me dus af, kom ik echt klaar of niet?
Heel vervelend, vooral voor mijn vriend. Die vraagt telkens: en ben je klaargekomen? Wel voor mij is het 9/10 nope! En dat schaadt zijn ego enorm en dan hoor je de verhalen over de ex die wel 5x klaarkwam.
Kom ik dan ook 5x klaar maar ervaar ik het zo niet of kom ik helemaal niet klaar?
Heel frustrerend.

Ow en de bekkenbodem is getest bij de dokter en de kegelballetjes ook getest, kan zelf zonder moeite 250 gr ophouden en lekker pompen tijdens seks, voel nog steeds geen big O

Anoniem

Nu lees ik hier een hoop over vrouwelijk orgasme. Maar ik ben een man en kan ok geen orgasme krijgen tijdens het vrijen . Nu heb ik prostaatkanker en krijg hormoontherapie waardoor mijn testosteron wordt afgebroken. Maar mijn libido is nog goed en we hebben gemiddeld 2 keer in de week seks. Wat kunnen mannen doen om beter klaar te komen?

Anoniem

Beste Monique,
Wat goed van je vriend dat hij je na zijn orgasme jouw nog naar een orgasme likt. Er zijn ontzettend weinig mannen die dit doen. Fijn dat jij, jullie, zo kunnen genieten.
Bij ons is dit ook niet. Ik gebruik na zijn orgasme de Rock Star. Een ontzettend fijne vibrator.

Anoniem

Ik ben die vrouw die niet of heel moeilijk klaarkomt…
Alles valt of staat bij de tijd die een man neemt…
Het doorlopen van de verschillende fases is bij mij heel belangrijk en duurt wel even… en daar wringt voor mij het schoentje.
De meeste mannen, neen alle mannen die ik heb ontmoet gaan veel sneller dan ik door de fases van verlangen, stemming en opwinding. Voor mij lijkt het alsof er stappen worden overgeslagen er te snel naar stimulatie wordt gegaan, stimulatie dat vaak ook niet de juiste is… met als gevolg een grote flop.

Man ziet borst vanuit het niets gaat hij door de eerste 3 fases zin, stemming en opwinding in 15 seconden en wilt per direct overgaan naar stimulatie en denkt dat dat bij mij ook zo werkt.
Ja, niet dus verschrikkelijk om gestimuleerd worden uit het niets, pijnlijk zelf.
En dan vraag je je af waarom ik seks afwijs!

Vaak wordt gedacht dan de vrouw houdt niet van seks.
Zal ik verklappen: ik ben dol op de juiste seks, de recht toe recht aan seks brengt me niets op! Sterker nog het is pijnlijk… zullen we mannen in hun ballen knijpen telkens we zin hebben in seks… zullen dan zien of mannen nog zoveel van seks houden.

Dit is voor mij reden nummer 1 waarom ik minder of geen zin heb in seks. Het frustrerende is dat, net zoals hier in de comments duidelijk is, als ik een man vertel hoe ik in elkaar steek hoe verlangen en opwinding bij mij werkt dan gaan ze zitten puffen en klagen: pfff moet er zoveel moeite gedaan worden? Kan het niet wat sneller? Kan je niet ‘zomaar’ opgewonden worden van mijn stijve lul te zien… sorry boys: NEEN… als ik al opgewonden ben dan vind ik je stijve lid geweldig en kan ik er niet genoeg van krijgen … maar zo out of the blue … nope doet me niks…

48 ben ik, te vaak heb ik mijn seksualiteit opgegeven voor de seksualiteit van de man… seks (voor mij onprettige seks) was alleen maar een middel die ik wel ‘moest’ hebben om mijn mannetje niet kwijt te spelen, om zijn aandacht maar te kunnen houden en ook nabijheid en intimiteit voelen… want ja gewone nabijheid en intimiteit in de vorm van ‘alleen knuffelen’ werkt ook niet… voor de meeste mannen minden knuffels sowieso uit in seks… weeral veeeeel te snel. Van streling over de billen per direct naar penetratie… terwijl bij mij een lichte opwinding ontstond zaten de mannen met een sterke erectie te kloppen op de deur om NU binnen te mogen terwijl ik nog wel 30 minuten nodig had. Ik had het opgegeven en ging ofwel mee (zonder zelf zin te hebben laat staan opgewonden te zijn) of ik zei gewoon neen! Ook neen tegen knuffels want knuffelen was het risico tot het weeral hebben van onplezierige seks!
Jaren heb ik gedacht dat ik abnormaal was en dus deed ik maar wat.

Vandaag 48 en ontdek en vooral erken mezelf… ik leg gewoon uit hoe ik werk, wat ik nodig heb… kan een man zich in mijn seksualiteit niet vinden dan is dit jammer… blijf liever alleen zonder seks dan de angst te hebben een man te verliezen en onplezierige seks te beleven… het mond regelmatig uit in ruzies en afscheid….
Ik hoop dat de toekomstige generaties opener kunnen gaan praten dat veel mannen en vrouwen elkaars seksualiteit gaan ontdekken en elkaar ergens tussenin vaker gaan ontmoeten.

Zowel mannen als vrouwen houden van seks… op een andere manier en er dient volgens mij meer ruimte te zijn voor de seksualiteit van vrouwen.

Anoniem

Mijn vriendin kan (inmiddels kon) moeilijk klaarkomen, wel alleen dmv masturbatie maar niet samen. Dat kon ze ook niet met haar vorige vriend. Op advies van Wendy, na een telefoon gesprek, de Yed Prior aangeschaft. Dit is een ware uitkomst gebleken. Door het inzetten van de Yed (ik bedien de Yed bij haar) is het geleidelijk aan steeds beter gegaan. Mijn vriendin kan nu wel goed met mij erbij klaarkomen en daar zijn we zo blij mee dat ik dit graag hier wil vertellen. Wellicht dat dit anderen helpt.

Anoniem

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